Birthday in Baku!

TRAVEL. That's what's inspired me to write again. I feel like an actor making a comeback as they say after a few years of hiatus! But what better than to pen down the experience so that I can reminisce the air of the place years after I've conquered every place on my travel list (at least that's what the aim is)

The setting's ready. The perfect gift I could give myself - A birthday rendezvous with Azerbaijan along with my buddy who's name sounds as fancy as a character in a Disney cartoon Avafrin. After a 3 hour flight of excitement and anticipation we land in the capital city of Baku. We're greeted at the airport by our guide Taleh because well, you get a guide on booking a wonderful 3 nights 4 days holiday package on Holidayfactory.com. Now that I'm done promoting the holiday site hoping they give me discounts on my future trips, let's get back to business. Taleh dressed in an Argentinian football jersey and cargo pants welcomes us with a hug and a handshake and my friend Ava already has a crush on him and has sent him an invite to her home in Mumbai. We leave the magnificently built airport that looked like a ride in a waterpark and head to our 5 star abode- The Hyatt Regency. On the way we see a bridge that oddly resembles the Bandra-Worli sealink of Mumbai, the Haydar Aliyev foundation, a football stadium that caught my eye more because it was designed like packets of biscuit placed one above the other and plush natural green belts that were a relief from the imported vegetation of Dubai (where I currently reside). We reach the hotel which by the way was luxury personified. It had a spacious lobby, an outdoor seating area, a spa centre, pool, restaurants, cafes and everything that could qualify a hotel as a 5 star including beautiful staff members with hopefully natural smiles pasted on their faces 24*7. We place our luggage in the room, freshen up and get ready for a guided city tour of Baku after having lunch at a local Restoran called Kaizen. Warm interiors, sofas with mashnads (cylindrical handrest pillows), war paintings on walls and an interesting 3 course meal comprising only 1 course that I as a vegetarian could actually eat formed an interesting experience.

DAY 1 :
Our first stop is the  Nagorny (Upland) Park. The place boasts of a stunning Panoramic view of Baku with the Parliament of Baku in it's vicinity along with the blockbuster Flame Towers which are the highest skyscrapers in the city. As we enter, towards the left we see an ancient mosque built in the Islamic invasion period, a tall pyramidic tombstone signifying the war heritage the place occupies. We walk further and I realise I should have brought my cap along as we were clearly on flames (not sure if the famous towers were). Taleh shows us the alley with tombs of soldiers and officers killed on Jan 19th, 1990 during a period remembered as Black January. It was the oppression of political opposition by the Soviet Army as hundreds of Azerbaijani officers along with civilians were massacred that day.

Next to the alley is a monument with a mashaal or a flame signifying that the sacrifices of the warriors are still fresh in the minds of the people. We savour the panoramic visuals starting from Baku Eye at the Bay of Baku to the Primorsky Boulevard. As we exit the park, we surprisingly walk in the middle of a shoot happening right there and Ava jokingly says "What are the chances that from working in a Bollywood musical in Dubai we land up on a film shoot on a holiday?!!" Next we head to the old town of Baku famously known as Icheri Sheher. We see houses with fine wall carvings and stylish balconies that are intrinsic of the place with an air that smells rusty, homely & almost other worldly. We reach a mysterious structure called the Maiden Tower - Maiden meaning impregnable. The cylindrically shaped tower made of grey limestone was constructed on a ledge of a rock jutting into the Caspian Sea. The local resident's legend runs as follows "The Shah fell in love with his own daughter and decided to marry her. Terrified by the thought of marrying her father, the daughter who loved a young boy asked her father to build a tower in hope that during the construction her father would change his mind. But the Shah did not change his decision so the girl climbed up the tower and jumped from the top into the Caspian sea".

Enjoying a stroll in the streets and after tasting the famous local dessert called Pakhlava we walk into a souvenir shop where I couldn't resist getting clicked with the statue of an old woman because a click is all that I could afford in that expensive shop. The owner of the shop tells my friend Ava that she's Kashmiri looking and me predominantly Indian looking. I had the urge to correct my innocently racist shopkeeper that Kashmir falls in India but the thought of souvenir discounts won the battle over geographical knowledge in that moment. I distinctly remember a funny old man carrying a bronze horse antique in an open bag rushed into the store almost as if he stole it from an art gallery and wanted to sell it & make a fortune before the police arrested him. He coincidentally accompanied us during a major part of our walk through the old city knocking on every door in the hope to sell the masterpiece for a sizeable amount of Manats (P.S. Azeri Manat aka AZN is the local currency of Azerbaijan). We make a pit stop at the fountain side for a few snaps of the Haydar Aliyev government office centre. By the way that building was so captivating that I remember wishing I lived in a structure that royal. After resting for a bit, we make our way to Baku Boulevard also known as the Seaside National Park. It was originally built for Baku residents to enjoy their leisure time. It starts at the National Flag square and ends at the Freedom Square.

Many cultural and sports events are held at the boulevard which is a large extension of gardens with restaurants by the seaside and a walking/cycling track running through the entire stretch. We observe a Carpet museum along the way also called Xalca shaped like a Marine missile. Done with traversing the entire boulevard we head back to our hotel only to realize we can't get a foot massage since all their slots are booked so we drink some wine, gorge on pizza & call it a day.



DAY 2 :

Come Day 2 and after a hearty breakfast at the hotel served by a gorgeous & ever smiling waitress Aziza (my first crush in Baku) ,we head for the Eternal Fire day tour -the first stop being Qobustan. It's a 40 mile drive to the southwest of Baku on the west bank of Caspian sea. I found it strangely fascinating to see Caspian see on one side and a dry desert on the other. I loved the entrance point of the place which was unapologetically marked with a Huge stone that had carvings of 5 people dancing along with the name Qobustan inscribed on it. We enter the Qobustan National Park which is currently a UNESCO World Heritage site. 

It is a dry hill and mountain site with rocks having images of ships, constellations, animals like goat, ox along with images of humans dancing and hunting carved on them. Taleh enlightens us that the images represent lifestyles and rituals of  people in the pre-historic times and that the area was submerged under the sea millions of years ago. Also present were resonant stones that fascinatingly rang like a gong when I struck them. We walk through to the area under a large tent that had a telescope. I see rocky terrain, human settlements, Caspian sea, mud volcanoes and absolutely marvel at the variety of landscape one frame has to offer. Just about then an old man appears out of nowhere asking to put some coins into the telescope. Clearly "But I'm able to see things without putting any money. It's working just fine" was not the reply he could digest so I put some change in the machine for his sake. I knew I had to take a picture with the unabashedly cool stone with 5 dancing guys and Qobustan inscription so Ava & I literally crossed highways and walked all the way for that 1 precious and rewarding click.


From there we head to the Ateshgah temple or the Temple of Eternal Fire. Located in the suburb of Surakhany the place had me & Avafrin excited as it was the holy place for Zoroastrians and Hindus (Avafrin being a Zoroastrian and me, a Hindu). At the entrance is an inscription in Sanskrit describing the cultural importance of the temple. We see pipelines traditionally used to store natural gas and oil running across the area.  Taleh tells us that Atashgah was considered a holy place by Zoroastrians long before the 17th century when fire worshippers built the temple. Islamic invasion meant the temple was broken & Zoroastrians were forced to move out. However, merchants and traders while travelling along the Silk Route through Azerbaijan came to this place and ultimately laid the foundation of the temple known famously for having naturally occuring eternal fires. Since fire purifies and also destroys, it's seen as an important part of sacrificial, funerary and other rituals. I had to rub my eyes to believe that I'd just seen a projection of a mantra that's dedicated to Lord Ganesha in the Hindu tradition right in the middle of Azerbaijan!

The place also symbolizes the spiritual transformation of the believer. The architectural reserve has interesting miniature representations of tools, people, rituals, ceremonies, lifestyles in separate blocks. After finishing the tour of the temple, Taleh takes us to a Restoran adjacent to the Ateshgah for lunch. The place intelligently incorporates ambience that is contemporary yet has a reflection of the ancient age with food served in utensils similar to those used by the traders that'd come here around the 17th century. I anticipated only 1 course to be vegetarian out of the 3 courses to be served here as well so I stuffed myself on bread and salad only to realise the main course is available in vegetarian. Not such a smartass, am I?

Post a sumptuous lunch we head to the Mountain of Yanar Dag. It's one of the most famous places of the eternal flame. Actually, it's rather a hill than a mountain with natural gas miraculously burning on it's slope from ancient times due to tectonic plate movement. Metre long stretches of fire are licking the stratified land searing those who go too close to the base of the hill. Adjacent to it is a stairway leading to the top of the hill. I climb all the way up the stairway while Ava is busy befriending a stray dog and petting it. More than the view it's the wind that blows me away, like literally! It's so windy that I wonder why didn't anybody open a windmill there. Spreading my hands, closing my eyes I feel like I'm floating in stratosphere. Following this surreal experience, Taleh drops us to our hotel where we head straight to the spa centre for a much needed foot massage because 2nd time's a charm. Fresh and relaxed after the foot healing therapy we put on our nightlife attire and head to the Fountains Square in a typical purple Azerbaijan cab that looks like the cartoon character Droopy McPoodle from Tom & Jerry.

The name Fountain Square derives itself owing to the presence of dozens of fountains constructed under the Soviet rule of Azerbaijan. It's an attractive destination with boutiques, restaurants, shops, pubs, hotels, passages. We enjoy some wine & dine at a famous burger joint and after traversing the square for a bit chill our heels at this happening place called "The Coffeeshop Company". I strongly recommend that you visit this cafe in case you're at the Square. From a range of authentic local food to beer, wine and coffee, this place has it all. Add to it amazing live performances and you have a night to remember. The day ends as we return to our hotel for some beauty sleep.



DAY 3 :

Day 3 and it's time for the Mountain Spirit tour. Basically time to romance the natural beauty of Baku. After having Aziza's adorable smile along with omelette & pancakes for breakfast, we embark on a 2 hour journey to the Guba region. Sadly Taleh couldn't join us as he had another passenger troupe to receive at the airport so Jamil was our guide for the day with the addition of a weirdly silent couple from Dubai for company. Approximately 1 hour into our journey and ZERO conversation with the couple we stop at a point called the Besh Barmag literally translated as the Five Finger Mountain.

It's located in the Siazan district of Azerbaijan. The mountain is a solid rock and is one of the most famous mountains in the Caucasus known for it's mythical stories. Jamil educates us about the story of how it's believed that there lived a Prophet in this region thousands of years ago. Hence, it's seen as a sacred place by Muslim pilgrims and the ritual of sacrifice of sheep and goats is performed at the mountain on the pious occasion of Eid. The mountain is also a famous hiking spot for travellers. Surprisingly the lady speaks to me asking my name and what do I do, albeit after her husband gets down to pee. From there we continue our drive for another hour after which we reach the forest region of Guba. Walking along the 2 kilometre stretch we admire the picturesque mountains - the gushing waters of a river nearby providing a dynamic audio to a serene video. The trees on both sides of the road almost form an A-shaped tunnel not allowing a single ray of sunlight to percolate through them. Some half a kilometre from the forest spot is a small restaurant where you can have some real good chicken as Ava reviewed it and some equally good vegetarian egg dish as was reviewed by me because clearly vegetarian in Azerbaijan means you got to eat egg as a pre-requisite.

A half an hour drive from the forest and we reach our next stop which is the Afurja waterfall. Located in the southern part of Guba it's considered to be one of the most beautiful natural wonders. Situated there was a strangely built restaurant with really narrow passageway of stairs going up almost till half the height of the mountain. We get our cameras working as the waterfall has a mountain range kissing the clouds as the background.

After we're done with the photos, we break for lunch in the home of a local Azeri family. A beautiful woman named Sevta greets us at the door with her grandkids Rehman & Aaysu. I remember Ava nudging me and going "Look at her! She's so gorgeous..I wish I look like her at that age". With the youthful exhuberance that Sevta exhibited, I'd agree with her. She serves us a delicious 3 course home cooked meal with sherbat (and thankfully more vegetarian options in my case) after which I head to their yard talking to Rehman who alternates between running behind chickens in his backyard and shooting me with his playgun & Aaysu who loves posing for photographs. Jamil jokes about how their yard was once completely filled with chicken and each time a travel team has a meal at their place, the population of chicken in the yard reduces. Since I loved the experience, I absolutely recommend getting acquainted with the authentic Azeri lifestyle to fellow travellers. Post lunch, we stop by the lakeside to chill for a bit and then head to our hotel. After a rejuvenating 90 minute massage where a local Azerbaijani masseur dude fresh from watching the film "Rocky" almost breaks my spinal cord, we put on our party clothes on eve of my birthday and head to the Fountains Square. On the way we finally get to witness the Flame animations on the Flame Towers. Call it fate or just a great experience last night we again land up at the Coffeeshop Company this time with an adorable Turkish couple for company. 10 minutes into the conversation and we were already divided into teams- Ava and Safak who love drinking alcohol & Laila and I who preferred coffee. Enquiring about Turkey and exchanging travel notes, we bid them goodbye & headed to the Otto bar to ring in my 26th birthday which I admit turned out to be memorable. 

DAY 4 :

After a night of heavy partying and celebration, I see a curly haired smiling Aziza one final time at the restaurant as she packs a cake for me as a goodbye gesture post breakfast. On offering her a piece of my cake she refuses to eat and replies I'm on a diet which was rather cute so bidding farewell to her, we pack our bags and head to the airport.

As the flight takes off, I'm overcome with the same departing sadness that I experienced on leaving Spain & Georgia on my previous vacations. It's indeed tough falling in love with a place only to realize you got to leave it & move on. Travelling's such a life lesson. It's proof that money can buy happiness. I'll miss you Baku until we meet again!

Are relationships losing out to human ambition?

Mumbai, the city of dreams as people fondly call it. Rarely does anyone mention it as the city of harsh reality. The deep, dark secrets lie hidden under the cloak of lights, glamour and all the razzmatazz. If there's a depressing poverty stricken largest slum in the world "Dharavi" on one side, then there's "Marine Drive" - a beautiful boulevard which when viewed from an elevated point resembles the Queen's necklace ; on the other. It's a city which is renowned for the spirit with which it's people lead their lives almost encapsulating all the other pitfalls. Here, half the life is spent stuck in traffic while the other half in running around to achieve stability in life (and if you're lucky, strong willed and thick-skinned enough - to carve an identity for yourself). 

Naturally when a person is laboring all day, rarely does he get time to sit, relax, ponder or even reflect upon the day's happenings leave alone nurturing relationships. Relationships here are as fickle as Pakistan's stand on terrorism. One day you feel like you've known a person for ages while having the time of your life with them and just as you are about to bask in the glory  flies a month where you don't even get to talk to the person on phone leave alone meeting them. Blow hot- blow cold relationships are a norm here. Equations between people resemble the scenario of driving on roads- there's more of clutch and break stoppage then exhilarating acceleration. Take me for instance. I have met my best friend (that's what I'd like to think of her and much more) once in the past 2 months though she resides in Santacruz which is about 4 kilometers from my place but have twice visited my parents who live in another city altogether in the same duration. I have invented a Newton's law of "No motion" where for every 100 plans strategically made to meet up, only 1 plan sees the light of day so your friendship is basically going nowhere. And if you compare these startling statistics with those of me meeting my relatives the law becomes Newton's law of "Forget Motion", though in my defense I'd like to say I don't like them because a model on the cover of GQ seems more genuine than them(Unfortunately photoshop doesn't repair character). Here nothing is permanent- neither friendships nor enemity.  People seem more animated and elevated about others in their Instagram pictures with a million hashtags so the outer affability exists for all to "Like" but they lack the geniality that comes from within. Meetings have become a platform for photo opportunity than actually spending time with people. Agreed this is the age of marketing with your bosses and mentors telling you to sell yourself and bring out the best in you but it'd be a relief if relationships are kept out of the promotional spree that we all have befriended. 

One of the reasons why people have become more of a sham is because they are highly ambitious. I too am extremely ambitious. Now being ambitious is something that is admirable but in the quest for reaching the zenith of their careers people disregard human relations. That's what disturbs me. Ambition could make you rich but not necessarily "happy". Unprofessional or roadblocks to success is what human attachment is labelled as among social circles here. Now what's the point of being successful if you can't share it with a loved one? Is success at the cost of loneliness acceptable? I feel there can be a balance between a professional and personal life. Both of them are interrelated. A peaceful personal space only keeps you in the right frame of mind to do well professionally. It's more of a fuel than a repellent. I have experienced the snub though. The snub that pushed me far away from the zone of familiarity and affection to an unknown territory of uncertainty and probably distrust of people. It's a bit hurting when your current equation with a person is more about in-person awkwardness, formal conversation and close-knit cherished memories albeit- of the past. Though I'm trying to understand the situation from another person's point-of-view as well so as to be fair but in totality the picture seems gloomy and the writing's on the wall. Imagine the only person who you could be uninhibited in front of, your only emotional outlet suddenly becoming busier than Warren Buffet or making it appear so atleast! That's when reality strikes you. Reality being change is inevitable, people are selfish and it's all about priorities (the sad part being you not featuring in the list of priorities). Don't get me wrong as there's nothing faulty with being selfish but selfishness to an extent that you completely ignore your loved ones is not acceptable. Too much of anything is also good for nothing. 

With time, things change and so do equations. You have to stop fooling yourself that life is running the way you want it to be and just embrace the fact that ultimately in all your struggle you are alone. Alone to commit your blunders and learn your lessons from them. The realisation's made me wiser but it hasn't changed me or my feelings for the person. If it has done something it's only made me value my relationships more keeping my ambition in sight. The debate of whether ambition goes/doesn't go alongside building relationships will always linger and I'll leave that for you to experience yourself & decide but all I'd like to put forth is a message. A message that no matter what you aspire to be, in this rat race it's always comforting at the end of the day to have someone to talk to, share things with, fight, hug and then have a hearty laugh about it so be a go-getter but at the same time handle your loved ones better!

Be Elite - but in your "Thoughts"

"Dude go watch yourself. You don't have the same class as me". Ever come across such discrimination?  I don't get this whole fixation with "Being Elite" just coz you are associated with a reputed institution. For instance, here in Mumbai people from "Xaviers or Jai Hind" college feel they first pooped diamonds when they were born. It's like "Oh you are from Jai Hind? Now history will always be classified as AJ- After Jai Hind and BJ- Wait, what?!

I saw a bunch humiliate a guy who wasn't that well versed in English. And on being retaliated with, pat comes the "Tu Jaanta nahi mera Baap kaun hai VERSION 2.0- Abbe Xavierite ke saamne bolne ki aukaat rakh"

(Read: "You don't know who my father is VERSION 2.0 - Go develop some balls to speak to a Xavierite")
Yeah, yeah...his bad big guy! But don't you think you should have informed him that you are "heir" to the Queen of England and that even the grass that grows in your backyard, does so in English.

Okay. So a towny guy in Xaviers who's marks are less than hair on Anupam Kher's head (*Anupam Kher is a renowned actor from India) is smarter than an educated guy from a humble background. Looks like we got to start a candle march in loving memory of logic. Irony is these are the same people who share pics of the Prime Minister of India who delivers his speech only in Hindi and who wait.. was a chaiwala (person who delivered tea) and not a Xavierite. Ooooooh! Did I just offend the elites? Just knowing a language well doesn't shift you to a superior strata of society. Need proof? We all know where Rahul Gandhi is or wait even better "naked pics of Prince Charles partying". Isn't that "kewl" brah? 

Mockery of someone who hasn't had the same privileges as you doesn't make him pitiable. It reflects who YOU are as a person. It even applies to 'designer wear embellished & MAC make up kit decorated' girls who share pics of "Judge a guy not by how he treats you but how he treats the waiter" but who find a guy who speaks fluent Hindi but not so fluent English *L.S. and unsophisticated*. I always wanted to see a video when they first cried after their mom delivered them. Afterall wouldn't we all want to take down notes on how to cry in English? 

Don't cry about justice, compassion and equality from rooftops if you can't dish out any. Moral of the story "Always remember. You breathe the same Oxygen as others".

My first "Rendezvous" with the camera!

Struggle. Not a new word is it? Everybody goes through a phase of struggle in their lives. Some struggle to fulfill their dreams, others just to keep up with the demands of daily life. You'll find examples around you too if you observe carefully. Kids struggling to understand whether to play outside or to update selfies on facebook, teenagers struggling to choose who to keep a check on- pimples or their partners in relationships? Husbands struggling to satisfy the materialistic demands of their wives, wives struggling to comprehend what to buy- shoes or jewellery?  I too have applied for the University of Struggleship in Mumbai. Only difference being, my bills get paid by dad so you could say I'm a scholarship student in the University. Barely did I recover from Zoster, (It's viral Herpes and not an STD. Clarifying because people love to jump the gun) that I gave my first acting audition. It was for the reality show NDTV "Ticket to Bollywood" and it required contestants to act, dance and sing. It came naturally to me because that's all I've been doing in the bathroom for years without an audience.

So after waiting in queues that could give Burj Khalifa a run for it's money I finally give the audition and I am informed that I am selected and I get the golden ticket to the biggest film industry in the world. The next thing I hear which gives me an "eargasm" is that it will be aired on television. As excited as I was, I was just recollecting the memories of the audition so as to reassure myself that I didn't do anything idiotic that'll be aired on national television and embarrass my parents. Next round of the audition and I was at it, rehearsing like it was the last opportunity of my life. One thing I realised being there was the hardwork and sleepless nights put in on reality shows. People watching a reality show don't realise the Godzillanimous ( I made that up) efforts that both the performers as well as the channel crew put in to entertain you guys for an hour. So, people be sensitive towards performers from now on if you already weren't because a lot of blood, sweat and meticulous preparation goes into entertaining people. If I thought I was tired working 22 hours on the trot , I had a crew member from the channel as motivation ; working for 24 hours at a stretch . 2 weeks in to the show, I get into the top 21 contestants from all over India  and then get eliminated. The show gave me friends, a bit of fame, a wealth of experience and "episodes to cherish" as far as mom and dad are concerned. But most importantly it gave me self-belief that if my first babystep in this industry could create ripples, then surely training, grooming, perseverance and a bit of luck could take me places!

                                                                                                                What it also gave me was mindboggingly illogical wedding proposals, dark circles, an exhausted body and tolerance towards make-up to hide the dark circles and exhaustion. Mascara, foundation, concealer , oil free sunscreens and brushes of all shapes and sizes finally entered my life and though they sound gay; in this industry by the looks of it are here to stay. I finally made peace with the fact that I have to put on a face to entertain the rest of the world though forgetting to remove it during night and waking up to that face can be a scary prospect sometimes. However, whatever be the faces or circumstances, one thing's for sure..my love for acting and the camera just grew bigger and this relationship is sure to blossom even more in the future!                                               

Embrace vulnerability- It signifies courage!

Life is a journey. And you as a passenger are taught to travel through it displaying your strength at all times. You must never reveal your vulnerable side to people otherwise you'll be hurt, taken undue advantage of and exploited. So, you live a sham of a life because HEY! YOU ARE STRONG. You are robust, unshakeable, intrepid, valiant that ways or atleast that's what the perception of the world is. But does this fake show of strength make you endearing? I always wondered that why I always supported the underdog and not the favourite in a head to head battle. There's something about vulnerability, about weakness; that is likeable. Wouldn't it be tedious if everything were perfect? 

Here is one experience that shook me up and gave me a wake-up call for the better. If you remember I was admitted in an acting school named Barry John Acting Studio a-k-a BJAS in Mumbai (and if you don't remember I'd advise you to read the previous posts. Thank you). The acting course was in it's latter stages and learning was getting intense. Our understanding of acting techniques like Stephenbook and Meisner was increasing and implementations required meticulous preparation. The pressure to better myself for each time I gave a great performance was getting to me. Cometh the penultimate week and it was time for scene work. This was the week I was waiting for. I was finally going to hear those magical words "LIGHTS.. CAMERA.. ROLLING... & ACTION! "  for the first fucking time in my life! I was as excited as a tiny tot in a store full of toy cars. Groups were divided and we had to make our own 8-10 minute scene that runs in a single location with a revelation somewhere in between that completely turns the scene and the audience's expectations upside down. A revelation is a surprising disclosure that was concealed at once but is now known to others. So, we immediately came to the drawing board and started thinking of concepts and interesting plots for our story that'd make up for some thrills and chills. Now one basic phenomenon that occurs when groups are arbitrarily formed against your wishes is politics. There are always smaller like-minded groups within a group. And this is what was turning out to be the downfall for some groups. As if the pressure to deliver a great performance wasn't enough, me and my group were surrounded by fights, arguments, verbal swordfights and what not. Thankfully the atmosphere within my group was pretty upbeat. People were determined to do well and were coming up with stories- sensible and sometimes well..stupid. Nevertheless, we were ready with our story and had to perform it impromptu without a written script at first to see if it was working out or not.

It's performance time. We set up our story consisting of a family comprising a father, mother and their two sons. It's set against a sophisticated background. The revelation being - the father having an extra-marital affair due to lack of sexual activity from his wife and how an MMS of his on his wife's mobile changed a festive atmosphere on the dining table to almost a funeral. The end being the mother leaving the house despite being repeatedly convinced by the father against it. We perform it and midway during the performance we are told to stop because the nature of relationships between the characters wasn't well defined and because the scene was dead and things were happening and lines were being said just for the heck of it. The only saving grace was the fact that the performance of the other groups too pretty much sucked. It's funny how in a competitive field other's failure reduces your pain of failure and almost acts as a balm of consolation. I however didn't like the review my group got and tried to think of other ways to fix the loose ends and make a taut script sans loopholes. Comes the second chance of performance. One of the groups had delivered a decent performance and it was our time to do the same. This time we thought we bettered our previous showing as we were atleast allowed to perform the whole thing. However the end of the performance was followed by laughter from the audience. The sad part was they weren't laughing with us but AT us. The review again wasn't heartening. I was used to getting appreciated for my performances and here I am struggling to put up a half-decent act. It was nothing short of humiliation for me. I couldn't see my mentor and acting guru Sourabh sir eye to eye. I knew I wasn't living upto his expectations. Now, it was hurting me. The realisation that what great performances you've delivered is a thing of the past and that you're only as good as your last performance was dawning on me. My confidence took a beating. Surprising how a few mistakes or wrong doings suddenly plant seeds of doubt in a once confident and determined you. What followed after our performance was again pathetic performances by other groups. Blame games started. People started fighting amongst themselves defending each other whilst pointing out how the others had screwed up the scene. Verbal spats took a dirty physical turn and things were getting ugly. I personally blamed myself entirely because I wasn't able to get that energy going in my group because that's what I pride myself on. In my mind I think I had asked myself the question that "Why the fuck am I not able to crack this thing" atleast a million times.

The day ends with another lacklustre performance by a group and now Sourabh sir's patience starts to wear off. He gets up in sheer angst and literally shouts at the top of his voice "What the fuck is happening? Is this how you're going to perform? You aren't even doing the basics learnt in the first week properly." Then almost helplessly he says " I've seen bad batches but I think this one's creating a benchmark for the worst one. You people are just not connecting! There's just too much politics, too many inflated egos at work! What the hell is the problem between you guys? I'm surprised that just as newbies you people have so much attitude and have problems working with each other despite being with each other for months. How will you work outside in this industry if this is going to be your attitude towards work. You are a talented bunch of people but are completely disconnected."

He then takes a slight pause and says "I think I've failed as a teacher".  These words hit me like a dagger. Never in my life had I felt so little, so ashamed and so dejected.

He continues "Let me tell you one of my experiences now that you've compelled me to share it with you. Barry Sir and I have directed some brilliant plays. Those plays worked because the energy of the group was amazing. Rehearsals were fun. Actors got on like a house on fire. People used to say that if it's Sourabh's play, it has to be amazing. But there is this one blot in my career that I'll always remember. I once directed a play that was showcased at the most prestigious "Prithvi theatre" in Mumbai. I had handpicked the best actors for my play as I wanted it to be the best play. I worked day and night for 6 months to put everything in place right from the story to the relationship between characters to the production to the costumes to the set design. I barely slept for 6 months and gave all my sweat and blood to the play. However, the camaraderie that I expected to be between the actors in the unit wasn't quite there. Since there were established and big reputed actors in the play, they all came with an ego of their own. Each one came with a "My way or the highway" kind of attitude and their adamant behaviour was reflecting on the rehearsals. Sometimes the rehearsals had to be stopped because of the silliest of arguments that would hurt the supposed 'Ego' of an actor. It was the most harrowing experience of my life still I somehow managed to work with them. Cometh the day of reckoning and the Prithvi theatre was filled with celebrities, theatre stalwarts, media and other actors from the industry. All the bigwigs had turned up to watch what was being anticipated as the best play. The audience awaited the start of the play with baited breath. I myself was extremely nervous and excited. And what followed was a woeful performance. A 2 hour play went on for 2 hours and 45 minutes. The performances of the actors was so pathetic that people from the crowd were leaving the seats midway during the play. The play was so bad that even the lighting got screwed many times despite my best efforts. Six months of my blood and sweat summed upto zilch- a complete void. Media personnel bashed the play and my direction left, right and centre at the end of it all. I stood helplessly at the exit of the theatre and was standing amidst the ruins as people gave me the dirtiest of glances. They were all giggling, poking fun at me, tearing apart my reputation strand after strand. My voice had almost disappeared and never was my throat so dry. My face had turned pale & I was crying inside but had no one beside me. In this industry people are only with you as long as you're successful and no one cares to give you a second look if you've failed. I was already receiving threats and messages asking me to quit and what not. Those catcalls, those insults, those giggles, those remarks are still ringing in my ears."

His voice was now shrieking. There was a lump in Sourabh sir's throat as he said " After the play all the actors literally cried in the changing rooms. This industry is heartless. It only knows the language of success. It will rip you apart and try to bring you down even at the slightest opportunity it gets. Just work. Work tirelessly. Give up your egos. Respect everybody. If you want work you will have to show the hunger for it." Almost teary eyed he continues "I have faced it but you all are too young. You won't be able to bear it. You won't be able to handle the humiliation.  Learn from these mistakes". 

 I didn't even realise that I had tears rolling down my eyes. I wept like a kid. For me Sourabh sir was and is a father-like figure and will always remain so. Whatever I had learnt about acting was all credited to him and whatever I make of myself in the future, I will always be indebted to him besides my parents. Seeing him in tears shook me up. It was like my father had been humiliated. I just looked down on the floor and didn't know how to react. I just sat there. I could hear giggles from a corner. Now if I hadn't sworn to my Mom that staying away from my family in an unknown place I won't get into fights and tussles I think I would have bashed the daylights of the bastards who couldn't get the fact that here is a man who was willing to shed his inhibitions in front of his students whom he might not even meet after the course and he was sharing with us one of the darkest chapters from his past that he was ashamed of; all of this so that he could fill some sense into US. I'd had enough. It was now do or die for me. I had another sleepless night, this time not owing to why things went wrong but how would I completely turn the tables on the proceedings. I changed the background of the story. I changed my entry, my activity and my attitude itself towards all characters. Because the actress playing my wife wasn't quite connected with me, I had a heart-to-heart discussion with her on what could I do to make her feel that I was a cheating husband. And she said a blank screen or acting as if she watched a video isn't going to get the reaction that is actually required. So, that day when everyone left but the two people from my group playing my two sons;  I decided to record a video of me making out with a girl so that when my co-actor playing my wife in the scene actually got to watch that video, her reactions  would make the revelation strong and convincing.

On returning home however things deteriorated on the health front. All that stress, previous sleepless nights and haywire eating schedules had taken a toll on my health. I was struck by a tongue cut, fever, food poisoning and constipation all at once. I puked blood twice which reminded me of my past encounter with stress ulcers. I couldn't eat anything because of the tongue cut. My entire body was hurting and by midnight I wasn't able to move an inch. My chest was hurting even if I coughed. I was wondering why were the health gods in such a bad mood. During these testing times, a bestie of mine named Shivani Joshi took care of me and was there by my side to support me. I looked like an eskimo from an igloo wrapped up in blankets with a thermometer in my mouth. I somehow reached studio pretty early the next morning (And yes, I didn't bathe that day. I hope Mom isn't reading this). I changed my activity, the setting of the scene and didn't inform my teammates as to what I was going to do. I started working out in front of the mirror. I did 5 sets each of Burpies, half squats and ab crunches. With repetitions of 50, 40, 30, 20 and 10 I had done each exercise. In half an hour I was sweating like a Pig. It was extremely tough doing all this with an empty tummy but helpful because I had now turned my character into a middle class, loud, boisterous, abusing guy who comes from the gym expecting sex from his wife. So, I had to look all worked out and sweaty which is why all the effort. It was the time for my team's performance and everybody was wondering what is this lunatic (read : Me) upto?  The scene went on and since, nobody knew what was happening (including my teammates) the scene turned out to be magical. By the end of the act I was semi-nude obviously owing to the random stuff I tried to shake up things a bit. Because my co actors didn't know what was coming their way, their reactions were genuine and since the previous night had an adverse effect on my mental stability, I did the craziest of things which ultimately worked and the scene turned out to be brilliant. The applause, hooting at the end of it was relieving but I was only waiting for what Sourabh sir had to say. 

"The scene was weird and something I didn't expect. You had a 3 dimensional character which was brilliant to watch. This is what makes me want to teach acting. This works for me. You're back!"  These words got etched in my mind. I saw him smile. That was it. I think I had given the Filmfare acceptance speech in my mind by now. Everybody hugged and congratulated me at the end of the performance while the only thing that was running on my mind at that time was food because I had stayed hungry for almost 24 hours now. I just had a second lease of life, a renewed self-belief and now a faith that is unwavering. I now know that each time I start from a clean slate and that whatever's done is a thing of the past. I'm learning to detach myself from the good I do as well as the bad. It's extremely tough. No wonder Sourabh sir says an actor needs a psychiatrist at some point in his life. I wish I need one but after I've established myself in the industry. I'm even more hungrier, even more hopeful and have even bigger dreams now..Thanks to the man who in his vulnerability became so endearing that he's shown that vulnerability brings out the best in you and what brings out the best in you is your strength, not your weakness. Vulnerability signifies courage. To be vulnerable is to be alive! So, embrace your vulnerabilities and see how they transform into the cornerstone of confidence.

Character Study - An experience of a kind!

New year, new beginnings and my first post in the new year. Where do I start from? I'd start by sharing my experience while completing a project given to me by my acting school. "Character study" is what it was called. In this an actor has to explore places he's not accustomed to, research on people that he would never encounter if it was left upto him, stay with them, adapt to their surroundings, observe them closely, their routines and then become them by the end of it. This was the drill : 4 days of this and then a performance in the acting studio on the 5th wherein the actor would have to dress like the character he's studied, speak exactly like him and assimilate all their mannerisms characteristic to their behaviour.

So, I began my hunt for an interesting character. My journey began from Dhobi Ghat. It's an open-air laundromat where thousands of dhobis (read 'local washers') wash clothes in the open for Mumbai's hotels, hospitals and other establishments. The sight of thousands of them bashing and beating the clothes left, right and centre is one to behold. Such a large scale functioning almost surprised me because I never thought there could be this magnitude of discipline in a single place where everything spelled "systematic". Just as I was loitering around the bylanes of Dhobi Ghat , I came across this person at a tea-stall interacting with the chaiwalla (person who makes tea at a tea-stall) in a variant of English that could best be described as funny. He looked like Einstein and Sherlock Holmes amalgamated into one old spinster. His clothing went like this- a black trouser, black coat with a layer of 4 shirts beneath the coat, a black hat, teeth that resembled the actors eating Cadbury silk and the dirtiest sport shoes on planet earth. What attracted me was not his english that I mentioned earlier but the fact that he was talking about finding a beautiful bride for himself (all this while he looked like 70-80ish).

"THIS IS IT! THIS YOUR CHARACTER", I said to myself (my heart and mind were in unison for a change).

 I went upto him trying to start a conversation about marriage and asked him a few questions. What followed after that totally left me in splits but I had to be straightfaced as judging the character wasn't our job; our job was to study the character and be one with him. The first words he uttered went like this " I don't any problem speaking to you but my problem has my wife, my three daughters got raped like vagina and anus not identify inside or outside". Quite a character indeed. He spoke about how Anna Hazare (the modern day pioneer of anti-corruption movement in India) had taken a loan of 200 crores from him and how Arvind Kejriwal (Anna's sidekick and now the leader of the political party named AAP that's creating ripples in the Indian political system) had borrowed 500 crores from him to contest the elections for the post of Chief Minister of Delhi. His conversation went from teaching 12,500 students about economy to how much a piece and then a pack of cigarette/beedi costs these days. He told me about how he had been thrown out of his house by his son and how his life revolved around sleeping on streets and being paid by the police for survival. Everything was going fine but then he did not have a cellphone and not a fixed location as he hopped from one place to another. His lifestyle was as dynamic as the things he spoke which left me besotted but tracking him the next day would be an issue so I had to reluctantly leave my character and search for another one.

Next stop was Dharavi - Asia's largest slum lying on the prime property right in the middle of India's financial capital, Mumbai. This place always aroused my curiosity ever since I watched Danny Boyle's Oscar spinning venture "Slumdog Millionaire" but actually being there was something else altogether! Houses so dense that it resembled tropical forests wherein even an iota of sunlight couldn't enter. A person I met over there had actually not seen sunlight for 5 years since both his house and his shop were based in Dharavi itself. Pathways leading to houses were so narrow that a person slightly obese would get stuck and not be able to move an inch. Drains running throughout the stretch resulted in a stench that was unbearable. Tiny tots ran around barefoot incognizant of their surroundings. The picture obviously wasn't rosy but what was heartening was the fact that the people staying there were always smiling- some smiles attributed to optimism and some maybe to habituation to circumstances.

Just then I met this person named "Abdul Razzaq Sheikh". White hair, a shrieking slim voice which could still hold strongly in a crowd, vest visible from the shirt, loose pants and eyes radiating happiness. He came along and showed me the interiors of Dharavi. It struck me as to why was I searching for a character when I had a character who was guiding me through the region. I started observing his mannerisms and enquired about his whereabouts, childhood, family, work and other related stuff. He was kind enough to let me in his house where we sat and had a long conversation. He wasn't rich by any stretch of imagination but he took immense pride in his house that measured 10x15. He told me how he could have built an empire and referred to the building outside his compound wall which could have been his, had he resorted to unfair means of earning, lying and deceit. He quoted "Hum chote logaan jhopdi ke, yeh bade chor logaan bhosdike" (meaning we the normal people from huts and these big people nothing but buttfucks). He surely had a sense of humour. He wasn't ashamed about the fact he was uneducated because he said he had intelligence. "Pait bharne ke liye degree ki kya zarurat miyaan. Allah haath paanv diya na toh kaam kar lenge" (meaning who needs a degree to fill his tummy, Allah has given me the resources so I'll make it work any which ways) We talked about everything under the sun. But one thing that touched me immensely was his view towards all religions. On being asked whether he was religious he replied "No one is religious. We are all needy, selfish beings. We remember the almighty according to our convenience and take him for granted. We muslims need azaan as the reminder to read the Namaz, hindus need the sound of the bells and idols to go the temples. Worshipping isn't second nature to us. We do it out of greed. We always ask the almighty for something". Continuing in the same vein he takes out a coin from his pocket and shows me saying "See this. You see Mother Vaishnodevi (Hindu goddess) at the back of this 5 rupee coin? You hindus believe a lot in her right? But what if this coin accidentally falls out of my pocket and is stamped upon by people. It would hurt religious sentiments right? This is what angers me. These motherfuckers (read politicians) imprint images of gods and goddesses dear to people for their own selfish need. They are the demons who act as separatists between the 2 communities- Hindus and Muslims. Our jihad should be against these idiots instead of innocent people". The man spoke sense. It touched a nerve somewhere. I was thankful somewhere inside me for getting an opportunity to meet such wonderful people. He talked about his kids and his smile reflected a deep satisfaction when he mentioned how well his kids were doing. I recorded his voice and got a few pictures clicked with him so that I could thoroughly work on the look and his voice. 

I realised that just watching these brilliant movies with amazing actors portraying these complex characters was easy but the ground reality, the meticulous preparation that goes into it is a herculean task. I dyed my hair a blonde reddish brown shade and my diet comprised of just green tea so that I could get that thin shreiking voice of his. I walked like him, incorporated all his mannerisms, roamed around the city in clothes like his with dirty shoes and a body posture that left my shoulders hurting and a back aching for the week that followed. It was worth the effort though. It's the fact that you get to be whoever you want to that attracts me and makes me love my craft. My biggest compliment was the fact that my mom (who is also my worst critic) cut the call not once but twice during my character study because she couldn't identify my voice and thought she had dialled a wrong number. So, here's to exploring new avenues and setting out on new journeys. Hope I have hundreds of such experiences in store!

The need to revisit humanity!

Technology. It's defined as "the application of scientific knowledge to find practical solutions to everyday problems". But what if technology itself poses a problem to real life situations? Just yesterday I was enjoying a saunter down the road and I noticed a family sitting in an eating hangout. The parents were attempting to entertain their children and were trying to hold a conversation while the children would just stick to their mobile phones facebooking. The parents helplessly tried but obviously lost to the virtual company their children seemed to enjoy more. Aren't all these gadgets just taking the "family" out of family time? A hangout should be more like the gadgets "hang out" while people hangout together.

I have examples in my facebook friendlist that seem to take their virtual life way too seriously. My newsfeed last night had the menu that would even give the chefs from Masterchef Australia an inferiority complex. Who in this whole wide world would be interested if you're having a "potato and chorizo gratin or frosted red velvet cupcakes?" Why not enjoy the moment and savour the flavour of these delicacies rather than advertise the menu card on Instagram and Facebook?  I'm pretty sure even before social networking sites came into existence people didn't have a problem digesting food without publicising it. I feel the day's not far when people post "Pooping in Marriott, awesome bathrooms. The designer commodes just add to the pressure inside my butt and I feel I am more outgoing as a person now". People are more interested in showing off what they do rather than enjoying what they do. It's like "Post about it or it didn't happen". There's a senseless race between people to showcase who's life is more happening and interesting. Funnier are the trends on Twitter where even a person going to bathe has to inform the world before doing it. Not like there were plumbers in his followers list that if the shower stopped working a plumber would immediately be standing outside his bathroom holding a towel in one hand and his repair kit in another.

What was thought of as a means to simplify life and entertain us when we're bored seems to have become the 24*7 "go-to haven" for people today. People officially go to bed to sleep at 10 but "sleep" at 2 or 3 in the morning thanks to the addiction to social networking sites. Virtual relationships materialise on whatsapp at 10:00 pm and end at 2:00 am when there's an argument regarding a "last seen" feature; mostly the first sign of a cheating partner. I'm thankful to god that babies can't be produced over the internet. Atleast that keeps the charm of personal touch in place. Somewhere these gadgets have distanced us from our families and if you see the bigger picture, from reality itself. Personally speaking I now have a "no cellphones" clause with friends I'm hanging out with because seeing a phone getting more attention from your friend than you can be a bit harsh on your self-esteem. People seem to have lost the value of other people around them thanks to smartphones. Smarter the phones, dumber the users. Just try getting rid of your phone and see how much more time you actually have on your hands. You could do so much more if you actually didn't let a gadget dictate terms to you.

Infact what technology has done is helped people master the art of surviving in isolation. People actually prefer staying alone and would rather be on a date with a gadget all day than talk to homosapiens around them. They sleep at a place not which they find comfortable but at a place where there is a charging location nearby for their phone.They vent their anger and send feelers to people through songs and status updates on facebook but don't confront the people to solve the problem once and for all! Too much of anything is bad. Einstein once said "It has become apallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity". Hope it doesn't come true. So give importance to people around you.  Live outdoors and don't just be confined to the 4 walls of your house. Let technology be a "part of your life" and not Life itself because when you die gadgets won't remember you but people you shared your life with..WILL.